Why I Care So Much About My Appearances
Whilst I don’t spend hours applying makeup in front of the mirror, I do ensure that I look somewhat presentable before stepping out of the house. This can be a struggle on bad days, but still I try. Why?
I have spent a lot of time in hospitals, sharing my personal space with the old, sickly, dying and dead. Once, I saw an old woman scratching her armpits whilst being nasty to everyone around her. It struck me that I was becoming her mirror image; I didn’t recognise myself anymore, even detested it.
How had I arrived at that state? I had been suffering for an extended period of time by then, and had become sick of being sick. The unpredictability was frustrating and worst of all, there was no hope of better days on the horizon.
*Disclaimer: This article is meant for educational purposes, and is based on my personal experiences as a patient. I am not a doctor, and nothing in this article should be substituted for medical advice. Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding any new treatment protocols. This post may also contain affiliate links. It will cost you nothing to click on them. I will get a small referral fee from purchases you make, which helps with the maintenance of this blog. Read our Privacy Policy page for more information. Thank you!
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It's Always a Gradual Decline to the Bottom
That bitter core that we had tapped into didn’t happen overnight. It is always a gradual process, the kind that happens in dribs and drabs, so that you never feel the harshness of a direct blow. It begins with the thought, ‘just for today’, which ends up becoming a regular affair. The first layer is the physical one – our appearances and how we present ourselves to the world.
When that layer peels away for whatever reason – pain, exhaustion, grief – beneath it lies the more vital layers of emotional and psychological well being. When we allow these layers to be defiled by whatever it was that tore the top off, we begin that slow journey of degenerating into an inhuman version of ourselves.
When we arrive at that state, we no longer care if we are nasty towards others, appear ungrateful or crude. Often that behaviour is a reflection of how we're feeling on the inside. So if you meet someone unpleasant, it might be that they are going through a difficult time.
Keeping Up Appearances is Like a Mental Exercise for Me
Our physical appearances are visible, unlike the unseen problems festering beneath the skin. It is one thing we can improve, a mental exercise that can be tougher than it looks at times.
This layer may be a superficial one, and of course I let it slip now and then when the pain is too much to bear. But I have also learned that the longer I can fight to keep this layer on, the slower I unravel into that bitter core.
So that is why I try.
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Claire
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Emma England
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Sheryl Chan
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Layla
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Sheryl Chan
Start a new conversation in the Member Comments below!I feel the same, and try to ‘keep up appearances’ when I am out and about. Not because I am trying to hide, but because it simply makes me feel more confident and if I feel that way then I tend to be nicer to myself and to others!
You’re so right when you say, “..if you meet someone unpleasant, it might be that they are going through a difficult time.” It’s really important to remember that isn’t it, and to try our best not to judge others. As we can never really know what someone else is going through. That’s one thing living with a chronic illness has definitely taught me! I also try and make some kind of effort with my appearance as it does make you feel better – and that you’ve not just given in to how illness can make you feel. I think “the first layer of defence” is a very apt description!
Hey Emma,
Definitely important to remember…I forget many times as well, because it’s never a pleasant experience dealing with such people 😉 At the end of the day, I suppose we’re all just seeking acceptance and understanding, no matter who we are 🙂
Thanks for the shout out!
Very poetic writing as always, I love it. It is so true and it took me personally a long time to realize I was becoming someone I was no longer comfortable being.
‘So if you meet someone unpleasant, it might just be that they are going through a difficult time’ – I catch myself judging people now and again and I always try to remind myself of this. Thanks for putting it out there. I used to get told things like ‘cheer up’ by total strangers and it used to make me angry as they had no clue how horrible I was feeling!
Thank you Layla…I’m very happy you enjoyed reading it 🙂 Yes it can be scary when you wake up one day and realise how much you’ve changed, without even realising it!
As for judging people – I’m the worst culprit out there 😉 I am trying so hard to be less judgmental but I find it very difficult. Still learning to practise kindness!
Have a great day xx