Most young people overestimate their maturity or ability, and I was no exception. I was proud and stubborn, and carried my pains and health burdens alone as if suffering is honourable. But it’s like carrying a heavy load of groceries over a long distance. It might be bearable for a while, easy even, but eventually starts to gnaw at your fingers. The weight is the same, but the load feels heavier. You aren’t any weaker, but the handles are not optimised for carrying such loads over a long period of time.
Some of us have more bags to carry in life, but what stops us from splitting that load up? To some of your loved ones, the weight of an extra bag is a non-issue, so why are you worried about handing it over? In fact, I’m pretty sure that most of your true friends and family will be happy to share that load with you. I know I would. The bonds formed through suffering are deeper, even though they take root in a very dark place. It not only brings out the humanity dwelling within us, but allows them to connect and feel closer to you. Some of them love you so much that they would trade places with you if they could, don’t break their hearts further with rejection. They want to be part of your world, so why won’t you let them?
It’s going to be a long road ahead in life. There is no need to bleed when loved ones are walking beside you, with a free hand offering assistance. Hand part of that load over. It not only puts both of you more at ease, but frees up capacity for you to enjoy each other’s company. What’s the point of exhausting all your energy trying to keep up, while bearing an unfair load to begin with? Life is actually more meaningful this way. It not only reminds us of our limitations as a human being, but our ability to make a difference simply by stretching out one hand.
It’s Not the Load by Lou Holtz
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz
There is only one person in my life that I don’t mind sharing some of my burden with and that’s my Mum. My Mum loves me in such a way that whatever I tell her I need, whatever plans I cancel, whatever she can do for me, she does. I don’t ‘bother’ her too much, or ask her for anything much but, the greatest thing for me is that she will respond with sympathy when I cancel our plans – yet again! It means that she’s become my best friend in the world, the only one I feel totally comfortable to do things with (my husband would understand too, but it is slightly different). Being so close to my Mum now, is the ‘greatest’ of all the ‘gifts’ that having M.E/Fibro has given (10 years ago I would have punched me in the face for saying something so positive and ‘Hippy-ish’ about this hellish/life-destroying illness!)
With regards to the shopping bag analogy – my 75 yr old Mum insists on carrying ALL the bags if we ever get out anywhere to shop, it looks terrible! lol xxx
Your mum is one tough cookie 😉 My mum too…often I am left in awe of how they still continue to work and not seem tired (speaking of elderly folk in general…here it’s not uncommon to see people in their 70s and 80s still cleaning tables, working at the food court, etc, and they work long hours). I know you can’t compare it like that, but I am genuinely left in awe at their vitality!
I am really happy for you that you have at least one person you can share your woes with, even if it’s just a listening ear. And I totally get what you mean about the hippy-ish thing 😉 Wishing you a great day!
I like the grocery bag analogy. Perhaps it will help my husband when my burdens become a lot for him, since he loves the challenge of carrying all the groceries.
Haha! I hope it is a good ‘modern’ analogy 😉 But the idea for this post did strike me while I was walking home with a few easy loads of groceries the other day 😉
Such a beautiful post. I struggle with sharing my burdens, but when I manage to share them it truly does help.
Dear Valerie,
Thank you very much ? I do think we all struggle with this; it’s not a comfortable feeling to be dependent, and makes you question your worth and purpose in this world. But being human goes beyond that, goes beyond ourselves, I suppose. Now I am rambling. Thanks for commenting! ?