When Inspiration Becomes the Standard
We often tell ourselves or others to ‘be strong’ or to ‘be brave’. Instead of instilling inspiration, these statements can sometimes provoke the opposite effect. It becomes another standard we have to meet, and triggers more ripples of fear. But the fact is, you don’t have to be strong, at least not all the time.
The expectations of ‘strength’ is a colossal ideal that sits atop the shiny, elevated pedestal erected by society. It’s unreachable by the average person, and a desired possession for our egos. The path to get there can even be harmful at times, as we sacrifice important aspects of ourselves along the way.
A Sense of Stolen Identity
I was feeling down the other day, as I felt that I had lost a lot of the fire I possessed in my youth. When I was going through the most painful experience of my life at 17, I didn’t really take any painkillers, as I had bought into the belief that they’re bad for you. I thought that that was an act of strength and character.
Now, I take a painkiller whenever I feel that I’ve had enough. I’m sick of being in pain. Whilst that makes sense, I’m also somewhat disappointed, as if I had lost a quality I admired in myself. I was no longer ‘strong’ or ‘brave’, just a weakling who relied on painkillers for pain that was much lesser than what I had experienced before.
But a thought sliced through that despair. I realised that you don’t have to be strong, just a little stronger than before. You don’t have to be brave, just a little braver than before. A little kinder, a little gentler, a little better than before. I felt a sense of courage jolt through me with that thought, all within the span of a few seconds.
“You don’t have to be strong, just a little stronger than before. You don’t have to be brave, just a little braver than before. A little kinder, a little gentler, a little better than before.” #strength #ChronicallyIll #MentalHealth Click To TweetYou Don’t Have to be Strong; Set Realistic Milestones
The problem with trying to be ‘Strong’, is that we’re comparing ourselves against an impossible standard. We’ll know when our intentions are wrong, when we worry about how others will judge us should we fail to meet them.
Instead, we can take that standard to meet us where we are in life right here, right now. By doing so, we turn that impossibility into a possibility that we can meet.
Life is large, everchanging, and tethers itself to no one society, thought or perspective. It encompasses all ways of living. We don’t have to worry that we’re degrading into worthlessness, as long as we keep moving in the right direction.
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What’s the Point to Courage Without Fear?
The word ‘courage’ would probably have no meaning without the existence of fear. Courage is to look fear in the eye (or in the corner of your vision!), and to walk past that dragon’s lair anyway. If that demon doesn’t frighten you, then you could stroll by without the need for bravery.
Even if all you take is one small step forward, it is still a powerful act. It is to have some faith in yourself, to know that you can traverse this travesty, and survive this tragedy.
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When I feel overwhelmed, this thought inspires me. I feel a sense of relief, as if the heavy weight of that gold standard is lifted, so that I can move and actually get going. Once again, you don’t have to be strong, but just take a small tiptoe forward in faith and courage.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain
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Sometimes I really wish that people wouldn’t use the word strong. It’s certainly not the word I would use for myself. But I like the idea of little steps and just being a little stronger than before. Beautiful words Sheryl, as always.
Thank you for reading as always, Anne, I appreciate all your support 🙂 Yes I used to value ‘strength’ a whole lot. Maybe it’s the way I was raised, being the first child, etc etc. But strength is so relative and subjective, isn’t it? And we all have strengths no matter who we are at the end of the day!
I love this post! It’s so true, focussing on a long term goal and big progress feels so overwhelming and out of reach most days. Instead, small steps in the right direction feel so much more achievable. It’s those small steps that all add up to make big improvements in the long term 🙂
Thank you Lucy! Yes baby steps for the win! 😉 Everything is so relative when we live with chronic pain. Every day is assessed bit by bit, sometimes even by the minute. So we need to compare it to that baseline again and again, instead of yesterday’s or tomorrow’s.
I find it frustrating when people (including doctors) tell me to stay strong. It’s giving a standard that can be insurmountable. Why should I be strong when I am in pain, or having a horrible medical test? It’s ok to be scared or feel fearful I think.
Loved this! It’s so important to remember that we can’t meet impossible standards. I do say ‘stay strong’ a lot, but I also give myself room to move with things as they come and go. I try not to be too hard on myself because sometimes expectations are truly impossible to meet. I think that as long as we stay in the present and try to take it one day at a time, it all becomes a little more bearable. Baby steps, one step at a time, be ready to bend with it when you need to.
Thanks Carrie! Yes strong and stronger are relative terms, and as with many other things, must be seen in context, too 🙂 ‘Stay stronger’ my friend! Haha. xxx
I can relate to your thoughts in this post. “Even if all you take is one small step forward, it is still a powerful act.” So many quotable sentences, and inspiration to keep taking small steps forward.
Aww thank you for your mega support as always, Kathy. Much appreciated, and sending much love and strength your way ;p xxx
Awesome read 😀 I think our sense of needing to be strong can be destructive in some instances, for example when we pretend we’re not in pain or don’t admit the extent of our suffering to doctors. We need to redefine what strength is and does for us x Lowen @ livingpositivelywithdisability.com
Hi Lowen, exactly. Ironically as other spoonies’ fuses may have increased, mine has blown out. Now I just tell them like it is :p xx
Wow, I really needed this right now. I mean at this very minute. I am fighting symptoms I haven’t had to in a long time and dealing with pain levels I have never had before. I was beginning to think I was becoming a weakling and submitting to everything I have been dealing with for a long time now. This post really reminded me of who I am and where I have been. You are right, I just need that little extra strength, not a whole boat-load! Thanks, Sheryl.
Apologies for the late response Lydia, I was in the hospital. How are you doing yourself? I am so glad this article was helpful to you in that very moment. And no way you are a weakling! You are full of character and class. And even if you want to be ‘weak’ for a moment, that’s also okay. Sending big hugs and I’m here to listen whenever you need. The small benefits of staying across different oceans 😉
Great post Sheryl. Really inspiring. I like your thinking that taking one small step forward is enough. Phew! When I first became ill, I remember thinking about just taking baby steps, and that helped me a lot. It’s easy to forget this sometimes though, so thanks for the reminder!
Hi Emma, thanks for reading as always 🙂 Yes in the beginning I fought hard to be really strong. But thinking about it, it’s truly unsustainable for a lifetime. I need to pick the battles worth fighting for 🙂 xx