Is This All There is to Life?
It’s easy to get sucked into one way of thinking, when you only live your life one way. Staying under one roof with one partner, or staying in a rented apartment with a constellation of flatmates. Hanging out with the same group of friends, or not hanging out with anyone at all. Having one job, or having no job. Picking the same foods from the same supermarket aisles. Experiencing a different sameness every weekend.
The result of this is thinking that there’s only one definition of success, and that there’s only one method to the art of living. I begin to think that everyone else’s wants are my needs, and that their lack is my lack. I construct barriers for myself without even realising. Isn’t this how society works? Isn’t this the correct roadmap for the rest of my life? I see many people going pass me on this path, so it has to be the one?
*Disclaimer: This article is meant for educational purposes, and is based on my personal experiences as a patient. I am not a doctor, and nothing in this article should be substituted for medical advice. Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding any new treatment protocols. This post may also contain affiliate links. It will cost you nothing to click on them. I will get a small referral fee from purchases you make, which helps with the maintenance of this blog. Read our Privacy Policy page for more information. Thank you!
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The Chronic Illness Mouse Trap
For those of us with chronic illnesses who spend many of our days at home in pain, unable to work, cook or clean, this routine can feel terminal. How do you live your life, when it feels as if chronic pain or fatigue is the one who's running the show? Will we ever be like everyone else again?
Which begs the question…who is ‘everyone else’? Do I mean my friend, ex-colleague, ex-lover, Paris Hilton, or a boy from the slums of Delhi? Perhaps I meant ‘every healthy person’, ‘from my country’. But as I have discovered, this is a defective and harmful way of thinking, because perfection exists only in my imagination.
What is “Normal”, Anyway?
This is one of the many reasons why I love travelling so much, despite my multitude of chronic illnesses which makes it a hindrance. It is the fastest and easiest way to re-open my mind, and realise that the possibilities of my future are endless.
The first thing I always notice when I travel, is how different another culture's 'normal' can be. Setting foot onto a stranger’s territory brings about an instant awareness that there’s no such thing. I’m the alien with foreign ways here, and how I live my life is puzzling to them.
Travelling unwinds the strings around my heart, and I float free. Freedom...what a beautiful and fleeting sensation. Whilst I could probably recreate this feeling back home, travel is a puff of pressure that propels it forward. I feel a little more confident, a little happier, a little stronger. I remember my humanity. I recognise myself again in the mirror of life.
This article about how truth is dependent on where you stand, and what you see, resonates for similar reasons. Here is one of the many golden nuggets of wisdom from it:
"Behind every firmly held belief lies a human being, shaped by a unique constellation of influences, stories, fears, histories, and hopes. This kind of understanding doesn’t dilute conviction; it deepens humanity."
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How to Retain This Awareness in Everyday Life
This got me thinking as to how I can recreate this feeling and be more mindful when I’m back to the grind. It isn’t too hard, although it does take some time, effort and courage.
Expanding My Social Circle
I could expand my group of friends, for example. We tend to hang out with those who think like us. This is great, but it also runs the risk of sealing ourselves within our small perspective bubble. We are unable to comprehend the lives of others of a different social status, nor they ours.
You're bound to gain new life insights by talking to people who are different from you. At best, it can be an epiphanic revelation that inspires you on a new path. At worst, you rediscover or reinforce your personal values and what matters most to you in life.
A Career Change, Even Within the Same Profession
Changing careers is a another life-changing move that can invoke this same realisation that there is no such thing as 'normal' (though I'm not asking you to up and do it on the spot!). You meet new people, take a different bus, or work on a different job scope. The routine may be similar, yet everything changes, too.
Picking Up New Hobbies
If you're homebound or stuck in bed, it is still possible to mix things up little by experimenting with new hobbies. You might develop a passion for something you thought you'd never like, and/or unlock new facets of yourself. You might develop new strengths, come to new conclusions, or find new ways of solving an old or recurring problem.
Reading a book from a genre you wouldn't normally read can do this, too. The content can provoke thoughts or perspectives that you wouldn't usually consider. A human was responsible for the content after all, so in a sense it is communication with a different mind or mindset.
Finding My Best New Normal with Chronic Illness Again (and Again)
Life is about uprooting and replanting. Sometimes by the gardener of life, and other times by stormy weather. But we can also choose to change our scenery; there is nothing stopping us except for our belief that we can’t, or shouldn’t.
I believe that as human beings we have the potential to adapt to almost anything when forced to, or when given a chance to. Even if it's just a whisper, you have some say as to how you want to live your life. And sometimes, a whisper can mean a lot.
Perhaps we’re afraid about what others will say, or we fear what may be. Routine, no matter how unstable or unhealthy, can feel 'safe' because we know how to deal with it. There is a degree of control, even if that control is directed solely towards your own reactions. But guess what? We’ll know how to deal with a new way of living, too, after we've lived it for a while. And we’ll wonder then, how we could have lived the life we’re living right now.
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Shruti Chopra
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Sheryl Chan
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Claire
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Sheryl Chan
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Nikki Albert
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Sheryl Chan
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Miriam
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Amelia
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Ritu
Start a new conversation in the Member Comments below!I think I read this just in time.
I have been wanting a pup in my life for a while now and as that dream nears (fingers crossed), I’m beginning to think of all the changes I’ll need to make and what a big responsibility this will be and whether I’m up for the change.
I’ve already made a lot of changes this year in terms of starting the blog, learning new things for it and now I’m wondering if I’m okay to handle more change, but as I read this post, I feel this change should be good for me, although it makes me very nervous.
Some times, life becomes stale in our everyday, in that “sameness” as you put it – let’s see how this goes.
I hope you get your toy poodle soon, Shruti! He’ll bring so much joy into your life I’m sure 🙂 And change is a good thing, I think. Sameness can be insidious as it just stays without us realising. Sending good thoughts!
I love to travel, even if that just means visiting places around London or nearby. it opens up my mind too, and I can’t wait until it feels safe to do that again. Because life does feel rather repetitive staying home right now . . .
Sad that we need to stay home for now, for so long. I do wonder when we will be able to travel again freely. It would be so refreshing.
I discovered when I got worse with the vertigo and fully disabled life became so very small and limited… but I knew I needed to live my life in that limited space somehow or what life would I have? So I do my writing, blogging, and art. I socialize when I can. And I live a life in there with a lot of rest and recovery. I still do the things I love and I am passionate about… it just has to be paced more and slower. But you have to find a way to fit some life in there or you will just fade away into nothing. I can’t stand stagnation. Not using my brain. All This Rest. I need my hobbies and interests to make me feel alive.
You do so much Nikki, I am constantly amazed, do you know that??? Writing both fiction, blogs, and more!! I want to do that too but keep falling back to just blogging lol.
Yes, you have to do what is best for you. What works for you may not be right for someone else and vice versa. So this is all well said.
Exactly, Miriam! Thanks for dropping by and reading 🙂
If there is one thing that my chronic illnesses have taught me is that there is no one size fits all for treatment, pain relief, or how we live our lives…. What works for one may not for another and that is okay…
Definitely. I believe that even if it’s a placebo effect, if it’s relieving you of your pain and not causing harm then that’s a good thing, too!
I feel the same way about travel. Always opens my mind and happy when I’m seeing new things. I think we need to shake ourselves off once in a while.
Hi Amelia, yes! I like that term – ‘shake ourselves off once in a while’. Like shake the ego off for a bit 😉 x
You’re so so right perfection only exists in your imagination. Remember everything is not as perfect as social media depicts!
Great thoughts here!
Routine is comforting… But not the be all and end all!