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You could budget your energy or your time. As a person with chronic illness, rationing everything in your life is probably the norm rather than the exception. But what I’d like to budget for October are my personal finances, the good old fashioned meaning of the word. One of my flaws is that I’m impulsive, and terrible with money management. I told myself that I was going to do a no spend month…for the past three months. So here it is inked online – I’m going to try doing it for real (again 😉 ).
I will only permit myself to buy basic necessities and refills of regular items. I tend to spend more money when I’m feeling down, and recently that’s been happening too often. Perhaps these things bring a smile or relief for a little while, but my finances need some looking after as well, especially since I’m not working full-time. I think the ‘boring self-care’ series sums this concept up pretty well. Sometimes, I need to think about long-term benefits over short-term gains. Besides, it will be a good opportunity to find joy in the little everyday things, and to pay more attention to my mind and body before there is even a need for relief.
One of the reasons why I’m investing so much time and effort into my blog, is that I hope to earn a relatively stable income from it some day. I sincerely strive to share knowledge of my personal experiences, and to provide support. But it would also be nice to actually earn enough to feed myself and buy my own medications, without relying on my partner or family.
I am aware for the need to diversify my income streams. Writing on my blog alone will not suffice, and isn’t the best way to gain income, at least for me for now. While I have a few scattered projects on hand, the first one I’d like to finish is my e-book for sale. It will be an adaptation from my blog, but not a direct copy and paste, of course. I’ll share more details when I get closer to completion, but it’s been sitting at chapter two for too long 😉 I’d like to make a conscious effort to speed things up a little. It’s only then that I can move on to ‘hopeful passive income item number two’.
I can’t put new projects on my plate without first removing something, in order to make space for it (paraphrased from another blogger!). I suppose I’ve become too comfortable with my current daily blog routine, that I get uncomfortable if I veer too far from it. This is not a good thing, hence why I wanted to tag along on a trip to Taiwan with my partner. Even a few days of change can be helpful in getting out of my stale headspace, and gain some fresh perspective.
I hope that I will be able to stop micromanaging so many things on my blog, just because I can, and because I want it to be ‘perfect’. I’m not saying that I’ll be scaling back on quality, but I need to get my priorities straight. Going for a stroll, working on my e-book, cooking a new recipe, or beautifying my work and home spaces are all just as important.
I’m not abandoning my blog, but I think I need to cut back on some of the related activities. I often feel like I’m drowning because I want to do it all, and am aware of the sore need to slow down for my own wellbeing. I need to evaluate which practices are worth keeping – either because I enjoy them or because they’re beneficial – and which are time wasters that don’t add much value all round.
Speaking of evaluating…I have a huge issue with control. The first time I saw a psychiatrist, she said to me, “You have some great coping mechanisms, or you wouldn’t have been able to do so well without psych meds for more than 10 years. But you’ve now hit a wall that you can’t breach.”
I ‘cope’ by controlling many aspects of my life. In fact, what can be controlled, I control. This fear developed after I lost total control of my body, and faced my first life or death situation at 17. I couldn’t even lift a finger without excruciating pain. It’s not something anyone can ever understand, unless they’ve been through it themselves. Such experiences leave more than physical scars. In fact, the mental scars can be harder to heal from.
But I also know that I need to release some of that illusion of control, because life just doesn’t operate that way. And the ironic thing is that the details control me in the end, when I am trying desperately to control them, especially when there’s no need to do so. They bind me up – or I bind myself up – by sapping my energy, creating dizzy mazes in my brain, and fogging up my perspective with fatigue.
There is no need for this self created stress, so I plan to separate myself from my current activity whenever I feel my body tightening up, or sense a mental overdrive. Then I will simply sit, let my thoughts natter and run and overflow, until they calm down. Then only will I return to what I was doing…or maybe not.
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I don’t really do meditation, but this is a good reminder nonetheless to always be aware of what I’ve piled onto my plate of life, and how much of that I can really digest properly without waste.⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #achronicvoice #chronicinsta #chronicblogs #spoonie #spoonielife #spoonies #spoonieproblems #invisibleillness #awareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentaldisorder #chronicillness #chroniclife #chronicpain #disability #health #quote #selfcare #selfawareness #healthcare #qotd #mindful #mindfulness #meditation #busy #society #stressmanagement #breathe #stress
Escaping isn’t always a bad thing, hey? I’d like to do a lot more escaping this month. I’d like to escape into other worlds through books. I’d like to escape from digital immersion for extended periods of time. I’d like to escape from the endless thoughts that sprint on that faulty treadmill in my brain.
My mental health hasn’t been in good shape of late, as I alternate between bouts of senseless anxiety and deep depression. I feel bad that my partner has to put up with that, it’s really no fun for anyone. While it isn’t a daily occurence, it’s been happening way too often of late, and it’s exhausting. I’m not too sure how it developed either. Perhaps all this isolation is starting to affect me, even though I enjoyed all this alone time to start with.
The irony about this whole situation is that I need to escape from myself – or the thoughts in my brain – in order to become my ‘normal’ self again. Hopefully the little escapism activities will help to stabilise and shut part of that faulty system down.
Thank you for reading, and I hope to read your responses for October’s prompts too! Click here to participate, and to read about what others are up to as well!
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