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April 2019 Prompts: Tiring, Educating, Receiving, Giving & Quieting

April 2019 Prompts: Tiring, Educating, Receiving, Giving & Quieting | A Chronic Voice

CLICK HERE to submit your own entry, and to read about what others are up to as well!

Tiring

It’s been a tough year for me so far, especially in March. None of my monthly goals have been met, ironically due to ‘normal people’ sicknesses, i.e. bronchitis and dengue fever. I’ve mostly been bed bound, drained, and we’re only into the first quarter. There is a tiredness in my soul, weights thrown into the stagnant pool of my heart over the years, going nowhere.

When you get ‘normal’ sicknesses on top of your ‘regular’ daily chronic pains, life can feel like a chore in itself. Like rotten garnishing to your usual stew of issues. Getting out of bed now takes not just double the effort, but triple, maybe more. Falling asleep takes just as much effort, and can be worse due to the spikes in inflammation that comes with the night.

When you only need to deal with acute illness for a short period of time, it’s easy to persevere through the pain, knowing that there’s an end in sight. But there is no bright horizon or happily ever after with chronic illness, although yes some people do achieve remission and there are bouts of brief relief. I know that I’m not the only one out there who’s tired, and continue to find existence tiring at times. Do you feel this way sometimes as well, living with chronic illness?

Educating

I have been on pause from my web development work for so long, the scene has completely shifted by now. Of all the industries out there, it’s one of the fastest to change. I suppose that’s both a good and bad thing. If I miss years of it, I don’t even have to bother catching up on the ‘in betweens’; I simply jump to the latest programming languages and best practices.

At first I thought that if I blogged hard enough, perhaps I could get a job as a blogger or a writer at an office. But at this point in time, I think brushing up my existing coding skills, no matter how crummy or outdated they are, is for the best as well. There’s no harm in a knowledge upgrade, and with the need to constantly work from home, I am grateful that these skills are still usable.

I do need to learn new ways of doing things however, so there’s still tons of stuff left for me to self-learn, get comfortable with, and then work on. I’ve already put a client on hold for more than a month due to poor health and hospitalisation, and I feel terrible for messing up their timeline. Whilst they’re kind and understanding, I still have a responsibility to fulfil, having committed to it.

Receiving

It’s my birthday month, but I don’t feel in the least bit celebratory. As mentioned above, this tiredness pervades other aspects of your life. I can’t even be bothered to organise anything for myself, even with the usual caveat of ‘see how my health is!’. I never thought that I’d be one of those women who’d start dreading each passing year that goes by in her thirties, but when your health doesn’t look to be on the mend at all, it gets a tad depressing.

Having said that, something ‘traditional’ like attending a beautiful orchestra and dinner would be nice. Soothing music and good food – can’t go too wrong, I think? (There’s always that question mark with chronic illness, unfortunately.) But hey, such pleasures can be enjoyed any other time too, right? I know that I’m lucky that I can even consider such options.

I’ve received quite a few surprise birthday parties over the years, thanks to thoughtful friends who wanted to cheer me up. They’ve led me to the beach, showed up at my door (whilst I looked like a mess!), and gave the most thoughtful presents ever (and I never use the word ‘ever’ unless it’s really ‘ever’!). No matter how my life progresses or regresses, these are precious memories that I will forever hold dear in my heart, even if many of these friends aren’t close ones anymore.

Giving

I admit that I don’t have much to give at the moment, seeing how the year’s been going thus far. My blog has been quiet, and I’ve only been touching up some pieces from the archives that I feel might still be useful reads.

I hope that my enthusiasm for blogging and writing returns soon, or at least the writing bit. It was a cathartic process for me, and my number one joy. Perhaps I have sunk into a state of further depression, if even my favourite things aren’t bringing me joy anymore. I’ll be seeing my psychiatrist this month, and I should check in with her I suppose. I am already on all sorts of medications however, and it frustrates me whenever I need to add on to the toxic load.

Quieting

April is going to be a quiet one for me I suppose. No expectations, no goals, no pressure. I just want to let go, lie in bed (that would be the third month in a row but…), and heal my body with gentleness. Whilst I’ll need to work on some jobs I’ve committed to, I know I just need to be as still and silent as I possibly can for the rest of the time.

I don’t Netflix and chill all that much, but maybe I should finish the entire Hannibal series while enjoying a few squares of dark chocolate, with some tea or whiskey (just a tiny bit!). I want to say that I’d like to read more books, but that might insidiously be adding pressure on myself. Even good pressure feels heavy for me this month. What I know I must do, is lay my head down, and simply be still.

Thank you for reading, and I hope to read your responses for April’s prompts too! Click here to submit your own entry, and to read about what others are up to as well!

*Note: This article is meant for educational purposes and is based on the author’s personal experiences. It is not to be substituted for medical advice. Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding any new treatment protocols.

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April Prompts: It's been a tiring year so far for me, with 'normal' illnesses on top of the regular pains. April will need to be a month of calm healing. Click to read, or pin to save and share. ////////// Chronic Illness / Pain Management / Spoonie Life / Healing / Self-Care & Awareness / Mental Health / Depression / Writing Prompts / Linkup / Health & Wellness #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #MentalHealth #WritingPrompts

April Prompts: It's been a tiring year so far for me, with 'normal' illnesses on top of the regular pains. April will need to be a month of calm healing. Click to read, or pin to save and share. ////////// Chronic Illness / Pain Management / Spoonie Life / Healing / Self-Care & Awareness / Mental Health / Depression / Writing Prompts / Linkup / Health & Wellness #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #MentalHealth #WritingPrompts

April Prompts: It's been a tiring year so far for me, with 'normal' illnesses on top of the regular pains. April will need to be a month of calm healing. Click to read, or pin to save and share. ////////// Chronic Illness / Pain Management / Spoonie Life / Healing / Self-Care & Awareness / Mental Health / Depression / Writing Prompts / Linkup / Health & Wellness #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #MentalHealth #WritingPrompts

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Laura
Laura
May 4, 2019 00:47

Awww Sheryl, I’ve seen how trying a year you have had so far on social media. Such rotten luck to get all the ‘normal people’ illnesses to. I really think we should have an exemption card from them. I hope April brought you the quiet time that you needed as you are such a giving person, you deserve a break xx

Rhiann
April 20, 2019 18:36

Happy April, dear Sheryl.

I am sorry to hear that it has been a really difficult time for you. I hope that you, like many, also living with a chronic illness that this month allows you some quiet time to allow you to recharge and recuperate. And that you are able to enjoy some chocolate and time with loved ones during the Easter celebrations.

And also wishing you a very Happy Birthday month, I hope that you are able to enjoy the day and are able to do something special to celebrate in whatever capacity you are able to do so.

Best wishes

Rhiann

Alison
April 10, 2019 07:02

Hi Sheryl,
Thank you for sharing! I love your posts and your prompts and have been enjoying writing to them. I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a rough time healthwise, and empathize. I spent the fall and winter sick more frequently than usual myself, and I totally understand that feeling of’maybe I’ll just take a nap for a few days’. Being chronically ill(especially the frustration of getting ‘muggle sick’ on top of our usual symptoms) is just exhausting, and it feels like healing takes forever. You are strong, and you are getting through it. The most important thing is to keep listening to your body and not pushing too hard- and yes I know that that feels so hard especially when you value busy-ness and accomplishments – it’s something I’m still working on too! I do believe in you, and I hope that things get easier soon!

Emma (Not Just Tired)
April 6, 2019 01:29

Awww Sheryl. This made me cry. I’m so so sorry you are having such a rotten, crappy time. It’s just not fair sometimes. I hope you can rest it out. I think a quiet time, with no pressure, no expectations, no nothing unless you feel like it sounds perfect right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It will pass, I know it will. I’ve had to quieten off on blogging etc lately, which of course massively frustrates me, but maybe it frees up space for other things. Or at least a quieter mind and head space for new possibilities ahead – if that makes sense! You do such wonderful work for the chronic illness community and so many of us look up to you. Don’t give yourself a hard time about anything. You’re amazing! Sorry for the waffle, you just touched a chord in me. Lots of love and healing vibes, Emma xxx
PS wishing you a happy, peaceful birthday x

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Nikki Michelle Albert
Nikki Michelle Albert
April 5, 2019 21:37

It is my birthday month as well! Although it will be a mellow month.

Ava Meena
April 5, 2019 19:35

I’m sorry to hear about all these regular sicknesses bringing you down. 🙁 I’ve had a cold lately and can hardly find energy to do anything, but your acute illnesses are more serious. Hope you have lots of rest and healing and that you can enjoy some of the rest. 🙂

Anne
April 5, 2019 05:50

I’m so sorry to hear that you have had so much to deal with on top of everything else. I hope a quiet month will help restore you a little more. x

JacQueline Roe
April 4, 2019 04:30

Sheryl, I feel like after all these months of reading your blogs and following you online that you are a friend. I hate to hear that you are struggling so much. Please know that you are in my prayers. I hope that the rest you receive will heal your body, but I also pray that you get some enjoyment of time with people who love you. I have recently discovered an odd love for podcasts and audio books. I can rest my eyes and set the soothing voices on a low volume so that even on painful, low-energy days, I am still able to think, process, and be inspired. This may or may not be useful for you, but I thought I would mention it in case it does help. Hope to hear you are feeling better, soon!

Maya
April 3, 2019 22:04

I’m sorry that you haven’t been feeling well. 2019 has been rough for me as well, although March was a bit better. I love these prompts – especially quieting. It’s something I need to work on a bit more, both in my external environment as well as my brain.

Also, happy birthday!!

Emma (Not Just Tired)
April 4, 2019 17:40
Reply to  Maya

Awww Sheryl. This made me cry. I’m so so sorry you are having such a rotten, crappy time. It’s just not fair sometimes. I hope you can rest it out. I think a quiet time, with no pressure, no expectations, no nothing unless you feel like it sounds perfect right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It will pass, I know it will. I’ve had to quieten off on blogging etc lately, which of course massively frustrates me, but maybe it frees up space for other things. Or at least a quieter mind and head space for new possibilities ahead – if that makes sense! You do such wonderful work for the chronic illness community and so many of us look up to you. Don’t give yourself a hard time about anything. You’re amazing! Sorry for the waffle, you just touched a chord in me. Lots of love and healing vibes, Emma xxx
PS wishing you a happy, peaceful birthday x

Niamh Kane
Niamh Kane
April 1, 2019 17:16

Thanks for continuing to give us the linkup opportunity while your health is undergoing so many processes of illness and healing. I think your Netflix and chill with whiskey plan is a keeper. Anyway its medicinal whiskey. I am sorry to hear you’ve been battling all those curveballs I hope the rest and your birthday orchestra fill your heart to the brim. Take care! Niamh xx

Selina
Selina
April 1, 2019 12:29

So sorry for all the extra illness you’ve been going through. It just stinks when more piles on you. Hoping your time of rest will help your body recover and bring renewed strength and hope. Thinking of you!

Despite Pain
March 31, 2019 18:43

You’ve had such a difficult time recently, Sheryl. I hope that April does bring some quiet time so you can recharge your batteries. Take care of yourself.