Plunging Into a Sparkling Sky of Unknown Possibilities

*These writing prompts are part of a monthly community activity I host. You can find the link to join us at the bottom of the post. We’d love to have you with us. You can interpret the prompts any way you fancy; the possibilities are endless!

Paying

To say that October sucked would be an understatement for me. It was my fault to a certain degree, although I don’t even know why I use the word ‘fault’. I was just trying to live life like a regular person, then things snowballed and got out of hand fairly quickly.

I was actually prepared and willing to pay pain for the fun I had, but the circumstances were not quite ‘standard’ this time, so recovery is taking a somewhat different route. I spent most of my October thus locked up at home once more, down in the dumps, and just waiting for things to get better again. I feel ashamed that I’m ashamed that I had fun. Why can’t we just go past the limits every now and then without such drastic payments in terms of health? Anyway, I don’t regret much of what I did. It’s nice to ‘run wild’ and live life once in a blue moon.

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Attending

Since I’ve been single I’ve also been arranging quite a number of meetups, going on dates, and attending random events. One of these was ‘A Piece of Mind’, hosted by Esquire and We Work. It was held on World Mental Health Day, in a bid to raise awareness and educate the public on mental illnesses. The panel of speakers were from all walks of life in various industries, and familiar with mental illness in one form or another, either through training or personal experience. There was a psychotherapist, magazine writers, the Vice Chairmain of IMH (Institute of Mental Health), a youth support worker, and a neuroscientist from Holmusk.

I had a wonderful time chatting with the folks from Holmusk after the event on AI, which they’re using to detect depression. They were such intelligent, enthusiastic and down to earth people, and our conversations even veered towards the realm of gut health and chronic illnesses in relation to AI.

An interesting ‘trick’ that the psychotherapist shared stuck with me. We often ask people ‘are you okay?’, to which we receive a mumbled response of ‘I’m fine’ most of the time. But she said to wait a little while, then repeat the question. She uses this in her counselling sessions too, and says you’d be surprised at what people will tell you after that.

Another great tip from the speakers, especially when you don’t know what to say, is to ask genuine questions instead of dishing out unsought for advice. Ask them how they feel, what they think, etc. This can be a great way for them to open up and to reinforce your connection. Giving advice when you hardly know much about the situation or what they’ve already attempted may cause more frustration, instead. A final tip from the speakers for people who are suffering from depression is to mix your daily routines up, and introduce small changes into your life. You’d be surprised how the little things can get you out of a funk.

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Organising

I have quite a bit of organising to do this November, as I’m finally moving all my belongings and the birds back to my parents’ for good. Quite a sad affair as my birds recognise my ex, and I do still consider him family despite the breakup. He will always be a friend to me, and an important person in my memories. I just want to say a big thank you to him, for the six years we had together through all the ups and downs.

I will probably need to clip the feathers of the remaining birds as the windows at my parents’ place are plentiful and always open, and the ceiling fans are always turned on. Don’t want any accidents happening right off the bat! But don’t worry, their feathers will grow back in a couple months, and I’ll see what to do then. For now, both them and I will be familiarising and settling ourselves into a new environment together. All that unpacking will not be fun, but there is no rush either, I suppose.

Plunging

With the move back comes a huge plunge into a new life. A final cut, an established divider, a total change of scenery, a nostalgic feeling, and a myriad of possibilities. Our environments often have a huge effect on our decision making process, perspectives and motivations. I hope that this change will help to propel me towards a positive direction faster, and get to wherever I need to be next in life. I’m taking a leap of faith in some ways this month, which I’ll share when the time is right!

As for the work front, I will definitely need to change up some strategies, try and focus despite the depression and brain fog that have set in again, and work towards a better income flow. There are a number of recurring income sources I could build, but what holds me back is not knowing if they’ll even make a cent, and if they’ll be worth all that time and effort. But I suppose I just need to do my market research, and give it a shot. At the very least, I’ll gain some knowledge which is always a good thing! Hopefully the change in environment will do the trick, and breathe some fresh ideas into my mind and life.

I also have two other projects connected to A Chronic Voice that I’m thinking about (as if I don’t have more pressing things to do on my plate, heh). I agreed to two podcast interviews in the last couple of months, and to my surprise, found them rather fun and interesting! As a result, I am thinking of starting my own as well. It will be another way to revive another website I own called ‘Sick Lessons’, and incorporate it as a facet of this blog. What do you think? I have zero knowledge about podcast creations and thus find it daunting, but I figured I could learn along the way, and that it doesn’ matter if episode one is shitty for a start ;p

Listen to The Podcasts Here, and Pin to Share!

Knowing

I’m so happy that 2019 is drawing to a close. Relieved more like it. It hasn’t been the best year for me, with the dengue fever, break up, many other bad new diagnoses, unexplainable symptoms, and hospitalisation stays. I’m praying that 2020 will be kinder, happier, and I also hope to contribute to those elements through my own choices as well.

I really don’t know which way I’m headed for next year. If you really think about it, there are always a million possibilities up for grabs. Sometimes they happen quickly and at other times, drag on forever. But there is always a choice, even if the glass looks opaque for now.

For me I’m considering going back to school even though it’d take me up to seven years to graduate, and I don’t know how I’ll find the money. But it would definitely be a dream come true, no doubt about it. At the same time I’m also considering some new travels, new jobs, and new other things. It feels like a splitting of directions, but I am grateful that I have this slight possibility of choice at all. I apologise if I keep repeating certain topics, but they’re swimming around like goldfish in the bowl of my brain for now. For now I shall just prepare to move everything out and onto new pastures, whatever the colour of the grass may be.

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Thank you for reading, and I hope to read your responses for June’s prompts too. CLICK HERE to submit your own entry, and to read about what others are up to as well!

*Note: This article is meant for educational purposes and is based on the author’s personal experiences. It is not to be substituted for medical advice. Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding any new treatment protocols.

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