As this COVID-19 pandemic carries on, there is no foreseeable date as to when all this will end, if at all. I have a feeling it (and many other coronaviruses – there are over 500) will become more commonplace in the future, and vaccines will be developed to target them like the flu. Evolution and global environmental changes – which have been going on for eons – will go on still.
I suppose that leaves us with focussing on what we can foresee, instead of what we can’t. It’s a life lesson many of us with chronic illnesses have had to learn early the hard way, as living with chronic illness is basically living with unpredictability as a constant companion. Sometimes we get so used to it we panic when things are too ‘stable’ – can it be true? What horrible thing is going to happen next? It really messes with your psyche.
(Read Related Post: This is What Hell Must Feel Like)
I’ve been hard at work with my business site, and hope to launch soon-ish in a couple weeks. It’s been something I’ve been talking about for ages if you’ve been following my monthly prompt entries. Whilst I know it’s not the final solution to having a stable monthly income, it’s a start. I’m also not sure if it’s a good idea to link it back to my blog site, A Chronic Voice, but I did want to tie in the brand for social media. All I can do is try.
To be frank, I’m not really in panic mode, though maybe I should be? My biggest concern is having an internal bleeding episode from random Antiphospholipid Syndrome issues now, and needing to be rushed to the hospital. I can’t ‘bear with it’ or fix that at home, whereas I’ve learned how to handle many other pain issues that come with my other chronic illnesses.
Apart from that, I’ve still been going for walks, buying things from the supermarket, etc, all with my mask on, of course. I do get a little edgy when there are too many human beings around, but apart from that, I try not to think too much about it.
I know this is a pretty random word to be stuck right into the middle of the prompts this month, but it called out to me. I find it a fascinating thing – upbringing. It literally shapes your entire life and character.
I was brought up in a very religious Christian household. My parents were missionaries, and now still work for the church or in missions. And as the eldest daughter in an Asian family, I was treated with the strictest level of discipline out of all my siblings, and given the most responsibility. I was trained for obedience, and it was naturally inbuilt in me as the eldest, as I always had to keep an eye out for my sisters.
After I fell ill, the typical eldest child syndrome started to fall apart. Whilst I retained some of the characteristics, I was no longer independent or ‘in charge’, so to speak. And the funny thing is, now that I’m 34 and the years fly by, I’m getting more and more rebellious. Not just in terms of family, but also with my health.
I’ve always listened to my doctors, tried to do the right thing for my health, and explored alternative options. But after 20 years of no-change, ‘a little fed up’ is an understatement. I’m living life a little more ‘dangerously’ now, and sometimes do things that aren’t ‘good for my health’. Yet these are things that a healthy person would hardly be judged for.
I’m tired of the need to always rebutt accusations that I could try harder, do better, do more – I have done all I can after all this time. And now as the years go by, I just want to let it all go and loosen the ‘rules’ a little bit. And yes, I still add a dose of caution in for good measure, due to fear of being in pain more than any other reason.
So back to COVID-19 type prompts, ha. I’m really missing my online grocery shopping; it used to be so easy, efficient and accessible, but now all the delivery slots are full every time I check. Admittedly I’ve saved quite a bit because of this, but I do miss my cheese, organic meat and produce, and other pantry supplies that I used to order in a go online. Unfortunately, these aren’t things that I can buy from the local supermarket, which mostly sells Asian produce imported from nearby Malaysia. Or I would have to run around various places in Singapore, or pay a premium price instead.
Luckily, the food delivery services are still in full swing, although the options are more limited at my parents’ location. I’ve set aside Fridays as ‘party days’, which gives me something to look forward to in the week. I allow myself to order whatever deliciousness I want, and to relax more than usual. Speaking of which, tomorrow is Friday from the time of this post, and I can’t wait!
Finally, I really need to clean out my room. There’s too much junk in it and with things such as medications where it’s a neverending pile, this can be a disheartening endeavour. I’d like to spend some time slowly rearranging all the boxes full of stuff and creating pleasant little corners where candles and flowers sit. Perhaps upgrade my chair (it’s really hurting my neck, shoulder and back), and get a nice bedside table that’s easier to access.
It’d be great for my mental wellbeing and body both. Environments do play a huge role in how you feel and think, and with the need to stay in all the time now, it makes even more sense to spruce my room up a little bit at least.
Ironically, I’ve been going on more nature walks than usual with the lockdown. My week is usually packed with doctor or other appointments, and I enjoy going to cafés to work for a change in scenery. It keeps me productive and a tiny bit more active. Now that I can’t hang out anywhere outside, I’ve started a little late afternoon walk ritual with my dad. It’s been quite pleasant and a nice break, otherwise I tend to work nonstop; I admit to being a productivity-based person, which can be unhealthy in extreme measures. I feel guilty or stressed out if I haven’t done enough ‘real’ work for the day.
These nature walks have been soothing with all the trees, flowers and animals. I’ve uploaded a few pictures to Instagram to share for some armchair Singapore Nature Walking (scroll right on the widget) 😉 I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed the walks. Stay safe my friends! x
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Join me on an armchair Singapore nature walk. #throwback
Horace (the son), off-key superstar.
Scorcher (the father), headrub addict.
Thank you for reading, and I hope to read your responses for May’s prompts too. CLICK HERE to submit your own entry, and to read about what others are up to as well!
*Note: This article is meant for educational purposes and is based on the author’s personal experiences. It is not to be substituted for medical advice. Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding any new treatment protocols.
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