Trying to Stabilise Anxiety & Depression
I’ve been feeling out of sorts of late, that’s for sure. My emotions are chaotic and all over the place, as I’m seized by anxiety and depression simultaneously. I had backslid to my suicidal ideation state, so I knew I had to call my psychiatrist asap. My antidepressant dosages have gone up, as my psychiatrist thinks that I need to stabilise the anxiety and panic attacks first. How did this come to be? Was it all of a sudden? What were the triggers?
Triggers Trigger Triggers
I believe it was a cascade of events that pressed each others’ buttons and set it off in a final firecracker display. At first it was a month of work-related stress. I was excited about getting some income, but perhaps that job in particular wasn’t good for my stress levels. Something for me to bear in mind in future – even though history does repeat itself every now and again. I can’t help it when I start feeling better.
It’s been six weeks since then and I’m only just recovering from this single, gruelling work-related stress episode. It’s been painful physically, mentally and my fatigue levels have been off the charts. I can sleep 10 hours a day and still feel exhausted, yet my sleep quality has been poor and I’ve been up itching every night.
Locked Down and in
Buying or renting a house in Singapore is ridiculously expensive. And with all my health bills to pay, I can’t afford that, and so I live with my parents. The standard house in Singapore is small compared to what others overseas might be used to. This means that I face my parents all day long and we are within a few arms’ reach all day, working in the same space. This too, had a huge impact on my mental health.
So what I tried to do was to run to cafés to work nearly every day, for long periods of time. This exhausted me further physically, and though I’d come home all achy, it was still better in my mind than being trapped at home. I know that I sound like a spoilt brat, but there I said it.
The Need to Improve My Diet & Lifestyle
I’ve been faced with all sorts of temptations of late, too. Unhealthy and addictive late-night snacking – I’ve gained too much belly weight and am skinny fat. But I’ve been trying to mend that by regulating my grocery orders and planning my meals a little bit more.
I don’t eat the same pre-cooked meals as my parents all the time now. It’s easier to be more precise as to what goes into my body when I prepare my own meals. Looking at Claire’s low histamine recipes and Shruti’s diet for endometriosis have inspired me to eat a little better, and to treat my body with more respect. Hanging with the right crowd (yes, even online!), does help to inspire me to better myself in more ways than one.
I often feel guilty because I don’t do enough to keep myself healthy as compared to others with chronic illness, even though I still live with daily pains. Sometimes it feels like I deserve the pain because I’m not taking care of myself as well as others with chronic illnesses.
Thoughts on Business & Street Smarts
Finally, I’ve been running away from launching my business website for far too long. I keep tweaking it, trying to find that right angle, and whatnot. And I know that when I launch, business isn’t even going to start pouring in immediately and that it’d take some time and effort. So I really need to press that launch button and learn from there.
I admire people (like my friend, Eunice, and my sister, Shereen) who can just dive head in and learn on the go. I tend to plan and research and make sure the stars align before I do that perfect launch. I feel uncomfortable going into work not being an expert, as if I were an imposter.
Winging It and Making It
To illustrate, my sister started a canvas printing business with zero knowledge about it; she didn’t even know what a pixel was. But she managed to do pretty well! And my friend Eunice when we were back in school, applied for a job in setting up displays for events, and stated that she had experience when she had none. But she winged it and even managed to rope me in as per her boss’s request for more hands on deck.
They’re both really street smart. Me? I’ve always been the more book smart one with the better grades – but that doesn’t get you that far in life, does it? Regardless, I do enjoy my books and texts and writing – and am not going to stray far from them, don’t you worry!
This is a bit of a sketchy, poorly written entry this month. I’ve been a little burned out from blogging and maintaining all the network and social media communities online. I’ve also been attending courses to obtain my Digital Marketing Strategist certification, and trying to get my business site launched.
How are the rest of you doing? Hope to hear from you, too x
*Note: This article is meant for educational purposes and is based on the author’s personal experiences. It is not to be substituted for medical advice. Please consult your own doctor before changing or adding any new treatment protocols.
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