Tips & Insights

How to be a Positive Thinker: Without the Unicorns & Rainbows

How to be a Positive Thinker: Without the Unicorns & Rainbows | www.achronicvoice.com

Wait…What?

I woke up feeling like crap. One of those depressive days that arrive unannounced, bringing joint aches and other friends along with it. “Today is a bad day” was the very first thought that surfaced in my mind. And then, I paused to think about what I had just thought about without even thinking about it. You know, a subconscious reflexive thought that we often accept as truth without even questioning it.

I Hate Positive Thinking

To clarify, I hate unicorn rainbow thinking that ignores root causes, covering problems up rather than dealing with them. It is a form of escapism and idealism to me. It’s worse when other people use it as a “I don’t want to hear anymore of your boring topic, let’s end it” catch-all phrase. (P.s. This also applies to situations where they cut you off mid-sentence to say, “let’s pray”. A post for another time.) That is not to say, you can’t choose to deal with your own problems this way. If it helps you deal with your situation, then that’s a good thing. What nourishes one type of personality is destructive to another.

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche –

The Frequent Battle Within Me

This leads to a frequent battle of body and mind within me. “Today is a bad day.” I lie in bed feeling awful, then I start to feel guilty about all the tasks on my todo list that I won’t be able to accomplish, and feel even more miserable. It is a vicious and stupid cycle, because it isn’t my fault, and beating myself up about it is only going to turn the bad day into a worse one.

It also sets up the framework of how I will be approaching the rest of my day, whether I’m aware of it or not. I will probably end up sick on the sofa, feeling useless and frustrated. Then I might reach out to junk food for lunch, and contribute to the neverending pile of household chores.

I don’t want to force myself to think, “Today is a good day! Yay!”, because it feels self-deceptive and shallow. (Once again, if it actually motivates you – go for it. I am just sharing my thoughts and personal methods of coping here.) So what ends up happening is that I allow “today is a bad day” to be the bad day that I had assumed it would be. I know, I’m so ‘real’ and ‘human’ 😉

Looking at Things from a Different Perspective

So here’s a little trick I’ve learned. I can take that sentence and turn it into another truth, simply by changing my perspective on it. I can take “today is a bad day” and look at it as “today is a good day for resting”. Or “today is a good day for reading that book I keep neglecting as I always want to ‘do’ stuff”. Or “today is a good day to have a party in bed”. Or even “today is a great day to do nothing. Sometimes that’s good for the soul, right?”.

Once I reframe my thought, I immediately feel lighter. The weight of guilt, frustration, anger and blame lifts. I set myself free from the trappings of my own thoughts. It is another complimentary, if unasked for, practice session on genuine positive thinking. Positive in the sense of addition, a plus, an accumulation. Not to run from a problem, but to rise above it. To exercise our ability to adapt, which is after all, how human beings have survived since the beginning of time.

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    For More Insight:

  • 13 Common Cognitive Distortions (article on Live Well with Sharon Martin): https://goo.gl/XcSQ5e
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Ever felt like a fraud when trying to 'think positive'? Here's how I reframe my thoughts to turn my day around without faking it. Click to read or pin to save for later. | www.achronicvoice.com

20 comments

  • I love the way you think! This is a great way to turn negative thoughts into something positive without feeling fake about it or like you are trying to fool yourself, because that never works! I will definitely be using this from now on. I love this shift in mindset!

    • Hi Jana,

      Thank you, I’m really glad it works for you! 🙂 Yes I never liked the whole ‘just think positive’ concept, so this was my method of ‘being positive’ ;P

  • I love your way of reframing a bad day – I’m definitely going to be using that one, thanks!

  • Love this perspective thank you. Sometimes it’s all about re-framing matters in our own minds and do the best we can with what we’ve got.

  • I like this way of thinking. You’re right, there’s no point ignoring our problems and living in cuckoo land by pretending everything is wonderful. Smile yes, and think positive but deal with the problems that are the cause of the bad days!
    However, sometimes I’m having a bad day & I don’t always know why! Then I just blame the hormones 😂
    ‘Today is a good day to be hormonal.’
    Might try that!

  • Yes, it got me thinking…..I like your perspective…..nicely written…

  • I like you ideas for turning around a negative thought.

  • Finding the silver lining and being optimistic is key for conquering chronic illnesses. As always you are spot on.

    • Hi Danielle,

      Yes, it can be difficult to find that silver lining 🙂 For me, it’s being honest in that positivity. Hope you are having a good weekend! x

  • It has been one of those days today, Sheryl! Made it to the sofa but it is now 7pm and only just managed clean PJs and teeth clean!! Used day to catch up on Netflix and all my lovely chronic pals blog posts. Still struggle tho with the fact that everyone else in the house seems to think that when I have a bad day nothing needs doing – huge debate just now about if anyone is cooking whilst my shoulder out of socket and fngers navy. C xxx

    • Hi Claire,

      How are you now? I hope tomorrow will be a much better day 🙁 Yea I totally get what you mean. A similar example would be, if I were to sit down on a crowded public transport, start fiddling with my phone for pain distraction, and not giving up my seat. From an outsider perspective, it seems like we’re selfish and lazy. In any case, take it day by day! Wishing you a good day soon x

  • Thanks for sharing your insight and perspective. Such a simple and easy change to make in our thinking, which can be so valuable to those of us with chronic illnesses.

    • Hi Sarah! Thanks for reading, I hope it helps 🙂 Yes I tend to be a little too serious when it comes to ‘being real’ but it’s always a matter of perspective! Hope you have a lovely week ahead!

  • This is a great post. Balance is so important when it comes to positivity when chronically ill, I think–although as you said, if Pollyanna positivity helps people, go for it. But I’ve found for most, a more honest approach is the most helpful: allowing room to complain and accept that the hand we are dealt is /hard/, but also to find the hidden benefit within it. Today is a good day to rest. Today is a good excuse to watch three seasons of that show I haven’t gotten to see. My upcoming surgery means I get to rewatch The Lord of the Rings surgery. Whatever. Find those silver linings, but they don’t have to be /all/ unicorns and manure.

    • Hi Kat,

      Exactly! And yes…some days can be totally shit, too, and that’s fine. But more often than not, there’s a different perspective that is more helpful for ourselves out there 🙂

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